To Make You Smile

  • One can easily pick a wise man by the things he doesn’t say.
  • Prosperity is just a matter of not being quite a broke this month as last month.
  • You can take a day off, but you can’t put it back.
  • My son wanted to major in philosophy and communications. When he graduates, he’ll be able to wonder out loud.
  • A 16 year-old high school athlete is an appetite with a skin pulled over it.
  • If you’re a contented person, you’ll enjoy the scenery along the detour.
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
  • I finally got my head together: now my body if falling apart.
  • Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…..
  • Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…..
  • What were we talking about
  • Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
  • I wish the buck stopped here: I sure could use a few.
  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
  • Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  • It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
  • The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
  • When I am finally holding all the card, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
  • It’s not hard to meet expenses… they’re everywhere!
  • These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter.. I go somewhere to get something and the wonder what I’m here after.
  • If all is not lost, then where is it?
  • I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
  • Ahh… I see the screw-up, fairies have visited us again.
  • Government regulation is a lot like ketchup, because more times then not, you get a lot more than you want.
  • Sometimes if you give young kids an inch, they become rulers.
  • To the government it’s just a buck, and they’re either passing it or spending it.
  • Tourist are people who travel great distances to get a picture of themselves standing beside their car.
  • House broken is what you are after you’ve bought one.
  • The “working majority” is a group of people found in every office whenever the boss shows up.
  • I thought I wanted a career – turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is done.
  • Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  • Errors have bee made. Others will be blamed.